This the first from a series of blog posts that I would like to tackle here in my parenting blog. It has been 6 years of parenting three kids and I am not saying that I am an expert. I just feel like making this blog post because these are the things I wish someone had told me when I was a first time mom.
Our first topic is, about mommies (or sometimes just a lola or tita) who boast and compare your kids from theirs.
Wala yan sa anak ko!
I do not know if I live in an area where people are just plain rude or insensitive but I always encounter these type of people. They are the ones who make you feel like a bad mom and make you doubt your parenting style. Their comments includes:
- “Yung anak mo tabang hangin, di gaya ng anak ko siksik ang taba”. I do not know what is the exact translation of tabang hangin to english is but this sentence implies that the person is saying that you feed your kids unhealthy food that is why they’re fat while she gives nutricious food that is why her kid’s fat is much solid. My advice: This is an insult but let us take it constructively. Breath in an breath out. When you are alone, contemplate. First list down the food that you serve your kid everday then check which are healthy food and mark with X those who are not. But what is tricky here is that people nowadays gets fooled easily that a certain food is healthy when it is not. For example dutchmill is a junk food because it is processed plus the load of sugar it has. But because it’s packaging has milk in it, it is commonly mistaken as healthy food. Cerelac is junk food because again, it is a processed food but it is commonly deemed as healthy. Another question I have in mind is that, what food do we have right now that isn’t processed or has preservatives? If we would jot down, the list of unprocessed food narrows down. If the label says no preservatives added do you really think it does not? How come it doesn’t expire easily if it has no preservatives?
- “Mas maganda nga yung batang hindi mahiyain at masigla kesa sa mahiyain at takot sa tao (which is what my daughter is doing)”. A kid that is active and is not shy is better than someone who is aloof at other people. This is already depends on preference but I prefer a kid who is well mannered and composed in public. I always taught my daughters the do’s and dont’s and acceptable behavior in public. I do not want them annoying other people and I want to teach them that behaving is a form of respect towards other people. Shouting for instance is not an acceptable behavior. I also teach my kids not to talk to strangers. There are a lot of news about child abduction and I do not want them to be a victim. My advice: Just ignore. Pick your battles. Based on my experience these are the people who have different preference than you are and there is no reason for you to engage or prolong the conversation.
In general, follow the Mom’s golden rule My kid, my rules. Some people just want to put down other people for them to feel good. They are just convincing themselves that they are better. If something is thrown at you, think first if it is good and true. If yes, change for the better, if not just do what you are doing.